DEFINITION

SATIRE

THE BOTTOM LINE:

Some people get it…

Some people are uninformed, misinformed, or a little slow, and don’t get it…

Some people don’t want to get it…unless it’s about someone else, then they’re
all for it.

Which one are you???

Gil Scott Heron- Spirits

Beverage: Glenlivet (on the rocks)

I’m always receiving feedback and comments from people that I know and people that I don’t know, and it all revolves around the offensive (?) nature of the book title “White Men Can’t Hump (As Good As Black Men).” I was somewhat surprised by this feedback, because I personally do NOT judge a book (or a person) by its cover (i.e., 99% of the people who’ve criticized this book haven’t read it).

So I wondered to myself, if the book’s title was “White Men Have a 3rd Eye (In the Middle of their Forehead),” instead of “White Men Can’t Hump (As Good As Black Men)” would the title strike a nerve or offend anyone? Hell No!

Would anyone take that title seriously? Hell No!

I’m sure no one would be offended by the title “White Men Have a 3rd Eye (In the Middle of their Forehead)” because none of us have ever seen such an absurdity. I think it’s safe to say the title “White Men Have a 3rd Eye (In the Middle of their Forehead)” would NOT be taken seriously, or strike a nerve, or offend.

Ironically, the movie title “White Men Can’t Jump” (which I found offensive) also described a physical difference between White Men and Black Men, but for some reason this title did NOT strike a nerve or offend either.

So why does the title “White Men Can’t Hump (As Good As Black Men)” strike a nerve or offend people? After all, it’s White Men who’ve said “White Men Can’t Hump (As Good As Black Men),” and they’ve been saying it for centuries (though inadvertently). The centuries old comments about the Black Male Penis and the Black Male Sexual Prowess never seem to offend anyone when they’re stated as a negative, or stated for the sake of humor. When Black Male Sexuality is viewed thru the prism of pimps and rapists, or the buffoonery of Tim Meadow’s The Ladies Man or VH1’s Flavor of Love, no one seems to be offended. Those images or portrayals certainly never seem to offend White Folks.

The endless stream of Big Black Penis jokes that flow from Hollywood never seem to offend anyone. Movies like Blazing Saddles, Mel Brook’s History of the World Pt. I, Mandingo, Dogma, Good Fences, Remember the Titans, Wildcats, Soul Man, Liberty Heights, Full Metal Jacket, and The 40 Year Old Virgin were applauded for their comedic genius (NOTE: in my book I list over 60 reputable movies and TV shows that refer to the Black Penis over 80 times). When Jim Carrey was told that his three Black Babies had “Dicks bigger than them sausages!” in the movie Me, Myself & Irene, everyone thought it was hilarious and no one was offended. And folks, this is not a new phenomenon. The very first full length motion picture in the history of film, The Birth of a Nation, was solely dedicated to portraying Black Men as blood-thirsty rapists. This movie was also the very first to be shown at the White House, and was applauded by then Pres. Woodrow Wilson, who stated “It is like writing history with lightning. And my only regret is that it is all so terribly true” (and quietly a spike in lynching and castration occurred). Of the literally millions of possible subjects to use for the very first motion picture (politics, love, war, life, sports, etc., etc.), “Fear of the Black Penis” was chosen as Number 1, wow.

The bottom line is, when the Black Penis is the Punch Line to the joke, no one ever seems to be offended. When these ignorant comments are used to Sexually denigrate Black Men, and portray them as pimps and rapists, no one seems to be offended. Certainly not the people who are currently offended by the book title White Men Can’t Hump?

All I did was take the centuries old negative comments and put them in a positive light. All I did was say: “If these things you’ve said about us for four centuries are true, then maybe we’re better in the bedroom than you.” I just turned the centuries old negative comments into a positive. Those Big Black Penis jokes don’t seem to be as funny when you turn that shit around, do they. These centuries old negative comments pale in comparison to the centuries of heinous behavior. White Men validated this book’s title with things like:

Jim Crow Laws: which served solely to keep Black Men out of social settings with White Women (i.e., schools, pools, theatres and lunch counters).

Lynching and Castration: They couldn’t just shoot a Brother, or hang a Brother, or burn a Brother at the stake, they also had to remove his genitals (regardless of what the supposed offense was).

The Tuskegee Experiment: U.S. Government doctors watched Black Men rot from-the-inside-out with syphilis, and also knowingly allowed them to spread this disease to Black Women, who in turn, passed the disease on to their fetus if they became pregnant.

The criminalization of marijuana: America ’s first Drug Czar, Harry Anslinger, stated before Congress that marijuana caused White Women to listen to jazz music and fornicate with Negroes.

Anti-Miscegenation Laws: These were laws were created specifically for Black Men, were introduced in nearly every state, and passed in over 30 states. None of these laws ever applied to White Men, and never stopped White Men from creating Mulatto babies with Black Women (i.e., Strom Thurmond’s political career should’ve ended before it ever began). And ironically, it took the U.S. Supreme Court to rule these laws unconstitutional in 1967 (well within my lifetime) in the case of Loving v. Virginia , when Richard Loving, a White Man, married a Black Woman.

If all of the above sounds trivial or inconsequential, then ponder this fact. The Civil Rights Movement of the 1960’s, which is credited for knocking down the walls of Jim Crow, and therefore making America what it was supposed to be at its inception, was sparked by “Fear of the Black Penis.” Most historians are now in agreement that the lynching of 14 year old Emmett Till (for allegedly whistling at a White Woman) is the actual spark that ignited the Civil Rights Movement. Historians had no choice but to reach that conclusion when Rosa Parks later stated “I thought of Emmett Till and I couldn’t go back.” That under-reported statement/fact resulted in the Montgomery bus boycott exactly 100 days after Till’s murder, and the rest of course is history.

NOTE: Believe it or not, I list even more examples in my book.

So whether it be the behavior and laws of the past, or the behavior and jokes of the present, White Men have intensely Feared the Black Penis, or Feared their women would be attracted to the Black Penis, and therefore validate this book’s title. There may not be any proof of the 3rd Eye proposition, but unfortunately there’s a ton of truth in their heinous behavior. The fact that Black Men were Castrated and racist legislation was created speaks for itself, and when this behavior is coupled with White created comments such as “Once you go Black you don’t go Back,” it more than validates my book’s title, period.

After all, why else was this heinous behavior so necessary and so prevalent?

So I repeat, White Men Can’t Hump (As Good As Black Men) was not created by me; it was created by centuries of attitudes, comments, and behavior. So to those of you who are offended by the title “White Men Can’t Hump (As Good As Black Men)”, now you know how I feel every time I’m followed in a Department Store (i.e., like I’m going to steal something).

When Black Folks complain about Racist behavior, everyone says “Stop whining” or “You’re being overly-sensitive” or “Race has nothing to do with it” or “Get over it.” So that’s what I do. So to those of you offended by the title “White Men Can’t Hump (As Good As Black Men),” save the Hate Mail, “Stop whining” and “Get over it.”

And if it makes you feel better, I personally love fried chicken and watermelon (which is another ridiculous stereotype, because most White Folks also love fried chicken and watermelon).

As you can see there’s a lot of negative comments that I didn’t create, and I’m not offended by most of them either. Most of the negative comments/stereotypes only serve to divide us, because deep inside, we all want the same things in life. We all want peace, prosperity, good schools for our children and safe neighborhoods for our families. This is proof that we all have more in common than NOT. What 9/11 showed us is that we’re all Americans, but why does it take a tragedy to unite us? Why does it take a tragedy to over come the silliness that usually divides us? Folks, if I had the answer to that one I’d be a millionaire. I’ll tell you this much, these walls can only be knocked down by individuals, and they’ll only stay knocked down if we refuse to pass Hate and Intolerance on to our children; because our children are our truest legacy.

The beauty of our democracy is that everyone has the right to offend and to be offended, and no one should be exempt, within reason (regardless of your skin color). So I want all of you to know that I plan on overcoming those centuries old comments by making “White Men Can’t Hump (As Good As Black Men)” a household name. Because if/when “White Men Can’t Hump (As Good As Black Men)” becomes a household name, I’d be willing to bet you won’t hear anymore jokes like “Them kid’s Dicks are bigger than them sausages!”

Before I close, I want to reiterate that I’m not passing judgment on an entire race of people (that would be unfair, ridiculous, and bigoted, wouldn’t it). I’m just pointing out factual history, and showing how that history affects the way Blacks and Whites see each other and treat each other. I’ve yet to hear anyone refute these facts, which means that “Fear of the Black Penis” is often at the root of Racism against Black Men.

The bottom line is that when you demean someone Sexually, you therefore demean them as human beings (just ask the Gay Community). The examples I stated earlier took place well before the current Black self-denigration in hip-hop music, and trust me, my book points out every problem in the Black community: drugs, guns, unemployment, dead-beat fathers, unwed mothers, sexual irresponsibility, crime, and of course, incarceration. It all ties-in together because we’re all in this together.

What my book does is chronicle all of our faults, Black and White (I also get a ton of Hate mail from Black Folks). My book puts Race on the table and keeps it there, by combining it with America’s favorite subject, Sex.

I often think of the many great Black Men who spoke their minds in the face of Hatred and opposition and never wavered one step. Great men like Frederick Douglas, Jack Johnson, Paul Robeson, W. E. B. Dubois, Medgar Evers, Dr. King, Fred Hampton, Malcolm X, Jim Brown, and Muhammad Ali never shut up for anyone. I will never be in the class of any of those great men, but the trail they blazed doesn’t require me to be in their class, it only requires me to be whatever I want to be. I don’t know what I want to be, but I can tell you what I won’t be, and that’s SILENT.

So please “Stop whining” and “Get over it,” and always remember my Humpers and Humpettes: “Life is too short to Hate.”

              Curtis Mayfield “SUPERFLY” Soundtrack

Beverage: Green Tea

            I wanted to wait until the dust settled before I commented on the murder of Sean Taylor, the Washington Redskin’s All-Pro Safety. Unlike everyone else, who seemed to find joy in speculating on what may have occurred, I figured I’d wait until they put the young Brother in the ground, or at least wait until they caught the young Brothers who killed him. After all, most of us knew the speculators would be at least partially correct. I mean, was there ever any doubt in anyone’s mind that Sean Taylor was the victim of Black on Black crime (that’s not a question either). I’m not going to get into whether or not Sean Taylor was a good guy, because that’s irrelevant at this point. At this point, to most of the country, Sean Taylor and his killers are nothing more than the latest statistics. No disrespect to Sean Taylor, but as I type this, more than likely, somewhere in this country, a Black Mother is being woken from her sound sleep and is being asked to come down and identify her son, and I’d be willing to bet she could care less who Sean Taylor is, because now her son is the newest statistic. And the statistics I’m referring to are jaw-dropping:

According to the latest Census, Blacks make up 13 percent of the U.S. population.

In 2006 there were 14,990 murder victims in the U.S. and 6,294 (over 40 percent) were Black Men.

9 out of every 10 Black Men who are murdered, are murdered by their fellow Black Brothers.

Black Men under the age 25 are 15 times more likely to die of murder than White Men under 25.

Black Men over the age of 25 are 7 times more likely to die of murder than White Men over 25.

33 percent of Black children live in poverty, and Black Men make up 37 percent of the U.S. prison population.

           Most of those statistics are courtesy of the U.S. Dept. of Justice, and were recently used in a CNN Special entitled “Black Men in Crisis.” Those statistics only tell us what is seen and measured, they don’t tell us the invisible genocide that is currently taking place in the Black community. There’s no doubt that most of this genocide is self-inflicted, and it’s time we start asking the following question: “Are Black Men modern day dinosaurs marching towards extinction?”

            It’s true, there is indeed a thriving Black Middle Class in America, but the Black Middle Class is currently shrinking because the American Middle Class is currently shrinking. Back when I was a young United States Marine in the early 1980’s I was taught how life really works. You see, in the military everything is based on rank/seniority. We called it the “Shit Rolls Down Hill” theory, and if you were at the bottom of the seniority totem pole, you caught a lot of the “Shit.” And guess what, from day one, Black Folks have been at the bottom of America’s totem pole. Right now, America is catching a lot of shit economically, and you know where shit runs, it runs down hill.

Is that an excuse for Black Men to kill each other? Hell No!

              Republicans can talk that bullshit about how great the economy is, but they base that shit on the stock market, and if you watch closely you’ll notice that everybody always loses money on the stock market but them. That’s America folks; America has always been about double-standards. Whether it be racial double-standards or economic double-standards, Black Folks are at the bottom of both of those totem poles. Those of you who’ve read my book White Men Can’t Hump (As Good As Black Men) know that I pull NO punches. I don’t blame White Folks for all of the problems in the Black community, and I don’t play that Reverend Jesse and Reverend Al victimization bullshit. The double-standards that I point out are legit and can’t be denied, and I lay them out with facts, and let you the reader decide if the motivation is racist or economic. When times get tough, these double-standards are magnified, and right now times are tough. The biggest double-standard in America is this bullshit “War on Drugs.” The U.S. makes up 4 percent of the world’s population, but consumes 2/3’s of the world’s illegal drugs. Now I know Black Folks like to get high, but I refuse to believe that Black Folks are consuming 2/3’s of the illegal drugs on this planet. And I have the statistics to back me up:

14 percent of this nations illegal drug users are Black.

35 percent of those arrested for possession are Black.

55 percent of those convicted are Black.

75 percent of those sent to prison are Black.

             In 1984 there were less than 300,000 Blacks in prison, and today, there’s just under one million. The different sentencing guidelines for Crack Cocaine (the drug of choice for Blacks) vs. Powder Cocaine (the drug of choice for Whites) has a lot to do with this genocidal double-standard. Crack gets you mandatory time in prison and Powder gets you rehab and treatment. I recently brought this fact up in a radio interview, and the host accused me of being soft on crime. He thought that I wanted to reduce the sentences for those who dealt or possessed Crack. When I replied, “Why don’t we just raise the sentences for those caught with Powder?,” he promptly changed the subject. Hey, people like to get high, and when times are tough, people REALLY like to get high. Everyone has a vice/drug of choice they lean on during tough times. Some people’s drug of choice is legal (i.e., coffee, cigarettes, porn, alcohol or prescription drugs, a la Rush Limbaugh), and some people’s drug of choice is illegal (and as usual, it’s the people at the bottom of the totem pole that get the shittiest deal).

Is that an excuse for Black Men to kill each other? Hell No!

            Black Men in prison contribute to this genocide, because they usually leave a few children fatherless, who are then doomed to repeat the cycle. Black Men are far more likely to be charged as felons, which certainly contributes to this genocide, because once you’re a felon, you’re practically eliminated from the American dream, and you’re also doomed to repeat your past mistakes (i.e., get locked up again or get killed). Black Men who are released from prison also have a genocidal effect on Black Women because that’s the primary reason HIV/AIDS is reaching epidemic proportions among Black Women. I know stating that fact is going to piss some people off, but to deny that fact, is to imply that Black Women suddenly decided to become IV drug users and needle sharers. We know that particular implication is bullshit, so let’s be real. The bottom line is when you’re in prison, you’ve only got three options:

# 1 Masturbation

# 2 Fuck another man, or

# 3 Get fucked by another man

            If you’re a 19 year old male of any race, and you just got a 10 year prison sentence, those three options don’t look too good, do they? Keep in mind, as a male, at that age you’re also at your sexual peak. That’s why these guys get out of jail and try to act so damn hard. That’s also why these guys refuse to wear condoms; they’re trying to get that old feeling back, i.e., trying to wash that bad taste out of their mouths (no pun intended). These guys can say whatever they want, but I’m a former prison guard and I’m telling you, there’s a lot of sex going on in prisons, and I’m not talking about conjugal visits either. That said, unfortunately prison has become big business in America, and prisons provide a lot of jobs for small towns all across America, that’s a fact.

Is any of this an excuse for Black Men to continue killing each other? Hell No!

          Of course, it would be cheaper to build schools than prisons, and building schools would be a better long-term investment, but the current generation of young Black Males has made it easier for the powers-that-be to sell the public on short-term investments, i.e., build more prisons. I’m not talking about the current generation of young Black Males committing physical crimes, I’m talking about young Black Males committing mental crimes. Nothing is hurting the Black community more than this current attitude that “Reading and Writing is acting White.” This attitude is far more damaging than babies born out of wed-lock, the spread of HIV/AIDS, rampant unemployment, and the proliferation of hand guns in the inner-city. This “Reading and Writing is acting White” attitude is more damaging than all of the above combined, because a decent education is the one thing that could drastically reduce all of the above. The extinction of Black Men is not going to come about because of 6,000 murders a year, the extinction of Black Men is going to come because of the 50 percent high school drop out rate that contributes to nearly every problem I just listed.

             How do we stop this genocide? First of all, someone has to care. Right now not enough people care. I’m not talking about these silly marches either. These silly “Stop the Violence” marches never reach the people they’re intended to reach, because the people out there doing the shooting, don’t watch the news, don’t read the papers, and sleep all day because they hang out on the corner all night. There has to be a consistent, genuine concern, and not just sporadic outrage when an innocent bystander is struck down. The truth is, more Americans care about Black Folks in Darfur than Black Folks displaced because of Hurricane Katrina. I’m often reminded of that classic line from the movie “The Godfather”: “They (Blacks) are animals anyway, so let them lose their souls”

NOTE: I’ve always found it amusing that the people who privately believe that Black Folks evolved from monkeys, are usually the same people who don’t believe in evolution and don’t want evolution taught in schools. You know what kind of people I’m talking about. That said, I don’t think you can have it both ways can you (that’s not a question).  

            That “Blacks are animals anyway” line is just a nice way of saying “nobody cares about your Black ass,” which is cool with me. But you’d think the fact that nobody cares about you would be a great reason to help each other, not kill each other. I’m a firm believer that you can only help those who want to be helped. I’m also a firm believer that we’re all in this together, so therefore this is an American problem. If you don’t think we’re all in this together, then just remember, every time a young Black Male is locked up for a bullshit drug offense, that’s one less prison bed for a White Male pedophile. Just think about it. Think about all of the high-profile pedophile cases in just the last couple years. Kids kidnapped and murdered, kids held captive for years, and usually the perpetrator is always a repeat offender, and everyone is always appalled by the fact that he was out of jail early. These guys were usually released early because there’s no room, because the jails are full of young Black Males with bullshit drug charges. Think about that the next time you watch NBC’s “To Catch a Predator,” which features a revolving door of White Male pedophiles who are usually repeat offenders. Like I said, we’re all in this together.  

          So how do we stop this genocide? Somehow we need to reach the masses and tell them there’s a better way. Somehow we need to reach the masses before the extinction train starts moving too fast. But how can we possibly reach the masses when the masses have been brainwashed into believing it’s all about “Get Rich or Die Trying?” How can we possibly reach the masses when they see “the Queen of Daytime Talk” giving away free cars to an affluent audience that doesn’t need shit, and certainly isn’t at the bottom of any totem pole? How can we stop Black Men from becoming extinct?

I’ll close with an excerpt from White Men Can’t Hump that was my plea to the human race, but it’s actually quite fitting since we’re all in this together:  

            “So what do you want your Legacy to be? We’ve seen throughout History that individuals can make a difference. We’ve also seen throughout History that individuals can make a negative difference. 99% of everything we’ll ever say, see or do, we’ll never even remember. This means that all of recorded History is based on the 1 % of what we do remember, yet look at the 1 % we often choose to be remembered for. It’s pretty sad when you think about it. In today’s culture of Greed, Hate and Intolerance, we find ourselves short of individuals who are willing to step up and make a positive difference. In the Grand Scheme of Things this doesn’t bode well for the future of the human species.

Ask yourself:

“Will human beings be here One Hundred Years from now?”

“Will human beings be here One Thousand Years from now?”

“Will human beings be here One Million Years from now?”

“Will human beings Sleep with the Dinosaurs?”

As individuals, we can’t answer the above questions until we first answer this question:

                                           What do I want my Legacy to be?”

Always remember my Humpers and Humpettes: “Life is too short to Hate.”

Beverage: Coffee (it was a little too early for Scotch)   

 Here we go again. After writing a book on race in America that seemed to terrify people of all races, White Men Can’t Hump (As Good As Black Men), I wanted to focus on something a little less contentious, like gender. But it seems like I’m getting pulled back into the murky waters known as race in America. I say murky, not because we can’t see the racial problems in America, but because we don’t want to see the reasons why many of those problems exist, i.e., America prefers to dismiss the problem by denying the root problem even exists. The recent national re-emergence of the “noose” is what has pulled me back into these murky waters, and my publicist keeps telling to put something out there to fully explain this issue. Because like so many other symbols of America’s racist past, once again the true motivation has either gotten lost in translation, or redefined. This is certainly not new; here’s two other examples of how time diminishes the true motivation behind certain symbols, or redefines the original meaning of a particular symbol.

1)     The “N Word”: Was once the consummate symbol of hate and degradation in the eyes of Black Folks, and it was our primary name in the eyes of many White Folks. But time, political correctness, and hip hop music have made this term more mainstream, and at the same time more offensive. First of all, political correctness has changed the term “Nigger” to the “N Word,” so now everyone can say it without actually saying it. And then Black Folks turned it into a term of endearment amongst each other, but at the same time, we still lose our minds when we hear a racist tirade, like the tirades from “Michael Richards” or “Doug ‘The Bounty Hunter’ Chapman.” White Folks then cry “No Fair, how come you guys can call each other Nigger, but we can’t call you Nigger,  just like we did in the good old days.” I hear that crap all of the time, and I also hear “No fair, why should we lose our job for saying what hip hop performers say in every other song.” Without getting into a long detailed explanation (I do however explain this in my book), all I can say is political correctness has created a unique double-standard, and anytime White Folks complain about a double-standard, I consider it progress. This language double-standard pales in comparison to the double-standard in sentencing for drug offences, i.e., Crack Cocaine (the drug of choice for Black Folks) gets you mandatory jail time vs. Powder Cocaine (the drug of choice for White Folks) gets you treatment and rehab. Yeh, I know, they recently knocked a few months off of those mandatory Crack Cocaine sentences, but my question is, why didn’t they just add a few years to the sentences for Powder Cocaine? We know why, that’s why I don’t want to hear crap about double-standards. The “N Word” may cost you your job, but you can always get another job, just ask Don Imus. When you catch a felony Crack Cocaine charge, you can’t get a real job, ever. Nor can you vote, own a gun, and on and on. So spare me the double-standard talk. The next example of a hate symbol being redefined is:

2)     The Confederate Flag: This one is much easier to define, but our nation, with the help of pandering politicians, have allowed this symbol of hate and Slavery to become an issue of states rights. The Confederacy’s goal was to maintain the institution of Slavery, period. So to those uninformed idiots who still swear that the Civil War was about states rights, you’re only about half right, and 50% correct would still be an “F” on a test. The truly correct half of that equation is that the Civil War was indeed about “states rights,” i.e., a states right to own Slaves. Don’t take my word for it; take those states words for it. When individual Southern states began seceding from the Union, nearly all of their formal Declarations referred to their right to own Slaves. The state of South Carolina, the state which cherishes the Confederate Flag the most, mentioned the word “Slavery” 18 times in their formal Declaration. There you have it, the Civil War was about the institution of Slavery, period. But, one entire section of the country has been allowed to re-write history. The Confederate Flag is also a symbol of hate because every time Black Folks have made public appeals for justice, it has been waved in the back ground by those who wished to maintain the status quo. So while pandering politicians hide behind this “states rights” crap (only John McCain has had the courage to state otherwise), the Confederate Flag continues to skate by with a public definition that attempts to mask this symbols true motivation.

          So there you have it, the “N Word” was once the ultimate symbol of hate, but has now taken on new dimensions thanks to political correctness and hip hop music. Hip hop music has made the word mainstream, and yet, political correctness has restricted White usage of the word to the privacy of their own homes. This has created a debate that focuses on the “N Words” usage, and therefore obscures its historical intent.

        The Confederate Flag has maintained its presence because it has conveniently received a duplicitous redefinition. This has helped to obscure the Confederate Flag’s true motivation and historical intent, which brings us to the “noose.”

        To say the “noose” is a symbol of hate is like saying a gun is a symbol of violence, duhhhhh, no shit. The beauty of the “noose” is that it’s a distinct symbol of a specific kind of hate that no one in this country likes to discuss. The “noose” is a symbol of lynching, and lynching represents the darkest and most shameful period in our history. And just like the “N Word” and the “Confederate Flag,” lynchings true motivation and historical intent have been intentionally clouded. Actually, the true motivation and historical intent of lynching, and its symbol the “noose,” have never really been publicly discussed or examined. When people think of lynching, they only envision the pitiful portrait that pitiful historians have painted. Lynching has therefore been reduced to three or four rogue klansmen who overpowered the local sheriff and hung some Black Guy (usually accused of raping a White Woman) before he received a fair trial. That’s an absolute joke of a portrait that only tells a fraction of this story (an inaccurate fraction at that).

           Lynching parties, more often than not, numbered in the hundreds if not thousands, and the crowds usually numbered in the thousands as well. Lynching, or “Nigger barbecues,” as they were called in those days, was a community event, a major gathering, and also an opportunity to get together with the surrounding communities (who all showed up in droves). This fact has been intentionally obscured over time. But you don’t have take my word for it, I beg you to check out Ralph Ginzburg’s book “100 YEARS of LYNCHINGS” (it’s available at Amazon.com), and read for yourself. These crowds were enormous, and regardless of the supposed transgression, the methodology was usually the same. Torturing, castration, and body part for souvenirs. These preliminary activities were usually followed with shooting, hanging and/or burning at the stake. Mr. Ginzburg’s book contains a one page Foreword, and then nearly 300 actual newspaper accounts from local reporters and reporters who were visiting from the North. This book is America’s version of Holocaust footage and I can’t recommend it enough.

             As a child I was always curious, and this curiosity has followed me into adulthood, so therefore my theory on life has always been: “Don’t just tell me what happened, please tell me why.” This approach to life forced me to do a lot of research on lynching because unlike the Nazi’s of WWII, lynchers rarely sat down and gave detailed interviews. I don’t understand why, because they certainly didn’t have to fear any Nuremburg-like prosecution. No one has ever been prosecuted for lynching a Black Man during that era, and the number of documented lynchings is close to 5,000 (the undocumented numbers could be 10 times that), but luckily there are plenty of photos of White Men posing next to their mutilated prey, and there’s also the braggadocios confession of J.W. Milam to Look Magazine. This paid interview obviously came after being acquitted of lynching 14 year old Emmett Till. The bottom line is, lynchers enjoyed smiling and posing for pictures, but for some reason have remained mum and have never told us why lynching, and more importantly, nudity and castration was the norm. Come on fellas, I know there’s still a lot of you alive, inquiring minds want to know.

               The U.S. Senate routinely blocked every attempt to make lynching a federal offense, and to this day, no lynchers or members of those cheering mobs, have ever sat down and explained why this practice was so prevalent. Well, thankfully they don’t have to, because their methodology tells us the true motivation behind the practice of lynching. Lynching was solely about “Fear of the Black Penis,” period. So therefore, the “noose” really represents “Fear of the Black Penis.” How do I know this? Because I discuss “Fear of the Black Penis” in my book White Men Can’t Hump (As Good As Black Men), which is a book that has been widely distributed, and I’ve yet to be called factually incorrect, I’ve yet to be called a racist by anyone who’s read it, and I’ve yet to be challenged in any way. My book has gone completely unchallenged, and this fact is a source of pride for me. When you consider the fact that we currently reside in a racial climate that relishes the opportunity to call Black Folks racist, my book is a wonder to behold. Affirmative Action is now considered reverse-discrimination. Johnny Cochran was considered a racist for playing the race card in the O.J. Simpson trial, and the Simpson jury is considered racists for buying it. Then throw in Louis Farakhan, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton, all of whom are considered Black racists, and you’d think my little book would be ripe for attack. Instead, White Men Can’t Hump has walked this gauntlet not only unscathed, but I repeat, unchallenged.

        Why has my book, whose basic premise is that racism against Black Men emanates from “Fear of the Black Penis” gone unchallenged? Because no can dispute the following:

 Jim Crow Laws: These laws served solely to keep Black Men out of social settings with White Women (i.e., schools, pools, theatres and lunch counters).

Anti-Miscegenation Laws:  These laws were created specifically for Black Men, were introduced in nearly every state, and passed in over 30 states. None of these laws ever applied to White Men, and never stopped White Men from creating Mulatto babies with Black Women (i.e., Strom Thurmond’s political career should’ve ended before it ever began). And ironically, it took the U.S. Supreme Court to rule these laws unconstitutional in the 1967 case of Loving v. Virginia, when a White Man, Richard Loving, married a Black Woman.

The criminalization of marijuana: America’s first Drug Czar, Harry Anslinger, stated before Congress that marijuana caused White Women to listen to jazz music and fornicate with Negroes.

The Tuskegee Experiment: U.S. Government doctors watched Black Men rot from the inside out with syphilis, and also knowingly allowed them to spread this disease to Black Women, who in turn, passed the disease on to their fetus if they became pregnant.  

                                          AND OF COURSE,

Lynching and Castration: They couldn’t just shoot a Brother, or hang a Brother, or burn a Brother at the stake, they also had to remove his genitals (regardless of what the supposed offense was).   

Note: I list many more similar examples in my book.

         Why is the behavior I just listed important? Those events are important because in order to define the true motivation of the symbol, you have to validate the motivation itself. So now that we all agree that “Fear of the Black Penis” was/is a living and breathing thing, that was/is legally and illegally enforced, let’s talk about how “Fear of the Black Penis” was executed and practiced, i.e., lynching and it’s symbol, the “noose.”

               Since none of the hundreds of thousands of people (that’s right, hundreds of thousands) who participated in lynching have ever stepped forward and explained why they felt the need to castrate thousands of Black Men, we’ll let the evidence of this practice speak for itself. Recently CNN featured a special entitled “The Noose: An American Nightmare,” which examined the re-emergence of this historically significant symbol of hate. CNN’s Kyra Phillips sat down with James Allen, co-author of the book “WITHOUT SANCTUARY: Lynching Photography in America,” and also curator of the largest collection of lynching memorabilia in America, and Mr. Allen (who by the way is White) stated the following: “I think, really, most painful for me, and I’ve never talked about this, but are the images where they stripped them nude. They are at your complete and total mercy, and this is constantly done to African Americans.” Mr. Allen’s book “WITHOUT SANCTUARY” provides the visual evidence of this practice, and Ralph Ginzburg’s book “100 YEARS of LYNCHINGS” provides the journalistic evidence from well known publications such as the New York Times and The Chicago Tribune. Mr. Ginzburg’s book features article after article after article, and seemingly almost every article contains the term “the Negro was de-sexed” or “the Negro was unsexed” and my favorite headline “BOY UNSEXES NEGRO BEFORE MOB LYNCHES HIM.” That’s right, before a crowd of nearly one thousand viewers, a 10 year old White Youth received his formal initiation to the art of lynching when he was forced to castrate Bert Smith with a large butcher knife, just outside of Houston, Texas in 1917. I know, I know, 1917 was in the Stone Age. To some it is, but seeing as how I was raised by my Grandfather, who was 18 years old in 1917, he didn’t see lynching as part of the Stone Age and neither do I (and lynchings also occurred in the 1960’s, certainly within my lifetime). You see, those crowds that numbered in the thousands, often contained hundreds of children (remember now, families were much larger in those days). By witnessing this barbarism, what were those children taught? What kind of adults did those children grow up to be, and what did they teach their children? What those children witnessed was “Fear of the Black Penis” and also that a “Black life is less valuable than a White life.” When you look at some of the attitudes that exist today, it doesn’t take a genius to see where these attitudes came from.

           When you look at the “noose” incident in Jena, La., it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what the real deal is. Those “nooses” weren’t hung because the White Kids were trying to defend their tree or their shade; those “nooses” were hung because those White Kids were trying to protect their women from the big Black football players. Do I know this for a fact? Nope. But I do remember the first time I heard the term “Nigger Lover.” It was in 7^th grade (well before high school), and we all know what that term represents, don’t we. Would those kids ever admit to that? Did the lynchers ever admit to castration? The answer to both questions is Hell No!

           So the moral to this factual story is this. The “noose” is not just a symbol of hate, it’s a symbol of lynching, which is therefore a symbol of a distinct type of hate, and that distinct type of hate is known as “Fear of the Black Penis.” And if people are really serious about permanently putting the “noose” in a museum where it belongs, I’ve got the answer to this problem. I absolutely guarantee that if this truth was reported; the fact that the “noose” is a symbol for “Fear of the Black Penis,” these little “White-supremacist- wanna-bees” would put their “nooses” away in shame and would retreat back to the Confederate Flag, where they enjoy political cover. And that my friends is the real truth behind the “noose.”

Always remember my Humpers and Humpettes: “Life is too short to Hate.”

Music: Miles Davis “Bitches Brew”

            Johnny ‘Guitar’ Watson “Ain’t That A Bitch”

           (I really do listen to the above music while I work)

Beverage: Bitch (an Australian Grenache)

            (I really do drink the above drink while I work)

 I guess I’m in a real Bitchy mood tonight, but don’t worry, this won’t be my typical Bitch session. The word Bitch was recently elevated to the national stage thanks to New York Knick’s Head Coach, Isiah Thomas. And unlike the term ‘nappy-headed ho’s, the word Bitch doesn’t come with a pink slip. Is this because the word Bitch is no stranger to the American vernacular? Could be. Let’s be real, the word Bitch is like many other words in the American vernacular, i.e., it’s all about context. Let’s check out some more Bitches, shall we.

DEF: Bitch (bich) 1) a female dog or fox, 2) a woman regarded as bad-tempered or malicious, 3) [Slang] anything especially difficult 4) [Slang] to complain.

           What’ll ya’ll think of that? The actual definition is a Bitch isn’t it. It’s all about context folks, it’s all about context. The truth is the word carries more sting when a man uses the word towards a woman, so therefore, women sub-consciously apply the same standard to the B-Word, that many Black Folks apply to the N-Word. Meaning, it doesn’t carry the same sting when we use it amongst each other. That said, Isiah Thomas’s take on the word melded the sexes and the races in a way that boggles the mind, even if slightly true. During a videotaped deposition for a sexual harassment lawsuit, against himself, Isiah was asked: “Mr. Thomas, you stated earlier that you found it offensive for a White Man to call a Black Woman a Bitch, would you also find it offensive for a Black Man to call a Black Woman a Bitch?” Mr. Thomas replied: “Not as much, I’m sorry to say; I do make a distinction.” Now what makes Thomas’s comment so mind-boggling is the fact that he’s a top executive in a multi-million dollar corporation and he didn’t have the common sense to say: “I don’t think it’s proper for any man of any race to call any woman a Bitch, especially in the workplace.”  I’m sure his bosses would’ve appreciated my hypothetical response because it probably would’ve saved them 11.6 Million dollars. The slight truth resides in the fact that no group of people likes to be denigrated by people outside of their group, and from what I’ve seen, women use the word towards each other more than men use the word towards women (pimps don’t count, even though it’s the workplace) . Women seem to be more tolerant of the word when it comes from the mouth of another woman (I’m certainly not saying women won’t come to blows over the word). If a woman calls another woman a Bitch to her face, the woman on the receiving end usually replies: “Fuck You, you’re the Bitch!” But if a man calls a woman a Bitch it carries more sting, regardless of her initial response, her real concern is the underlying cause for the comment (and more concern = more sting). When a woman calls a woman a Bitch, the woman on the receiving end automatically thinks: “That Bitch is just jealous!” When a man calls a woman a Bitch, the woman wonders ‘Why,’ and then wonders who he received the faulty information from.

            My own personal Code of Conduct for the word Bitch is to use it only towards men. Examples: Take our current President and Vice President; both of whom hid when they had their opportunity to serve our country during a time of need. Our current President hid in the Air National Guard, and our current Vice President obtained FIVE DEFERMENTS to avoid service in Vietnam. Vice President Cheney would later state that he had “Other Priorities,”  but look at their priorities right now. To hide in the National Guard, and then send National Guardsmen off to die, is a Bitch-move, period. To act like you’re fucking HARD, and to send men to war without adequate armor, after receiving FIVE DEFERMENTS, is Bitch-move. And the “Bitch of the Year” in my opinion is Rush Limbaugh. Anyone who got out of serving their country because they had a cyst on their ass, but chooses to refer to veterans who oppose the Iraq War as ‘phony soldiers,’ is a Bitch, period. So actually, I think the word is more fitting when it’s directed towards a certain type of male. I know I’m not the only man on this planet who feels the word Bitch is NOT exclusive to one gender, but is the word Bitch exclusive to one race  (i.e., Black Folks)? Nope!

        I repeat, the word Bitch is not exclusively Black. Black Folks may have monopolized ‘Motherfucker’ (I plead Guilty on that one), but Bitch is mainstream, and crosses all racial, social, and economic  boundaries. Obviously present-day hip hop performers use the word with reckless abandon, but the word Bitch put Meredith Brooks on the map, and she ain’t had a hit since her hit song “Bitch.” Hall & Oates used the word Bitch routinely in their song hit “Rich Girl” nearly 30 years before the hip hop group OUTKAST routinely used the word Bitch in their hit song “Roses.” Hip Hop performers are currently saddled with constant charges of “excessive-use-of-Bitch” (all charges are indeed valid), but the word Bitch has been used at the highest levels of our society for years.

          The former first lady Barbara Bush called 1984 Democratic Vice Presidential nominee Geraldine Ferraro a Bitch (I’m sorry, Barbara stated that due to television restrictions, all she could say is that Geraldine rhymes with the word ‘rich’).

        Actress Joan Collins resurrected her acting career by playing a Bitch on the hit nighttime soap ‘Dynasty,’ and to this day, she relishes being known as a Bitch.

         ‘The View’ co-host Joy Bahar, relishes the opportunity to call thin women “skinny Bitch,” and the word Bitch is freely used on many other primetime television shows (cable and network).

                   When you have a word with multiple definitions, that just happens to transcend all boundaries, it obviously becomes a matter of context. I’m quite sure Isiah Thomas’s inference that the word Bitch has racial boundaries doesn’t fly with most women. Black Folks may drop the N-Word freely amongst each other without any real repercussions, but women on the receiving end of the B Word don’t care what color the offender is. Women on the receiving end of the B Word may even be more offended if it comes from someone of their own race (regardless what distinction Isiah may make). Even though the word Bitch has taken on a new life in the Black community (thanks to hip hop), it’s still primarily a sexist term that transcends any imaginary boundaries. The word Bitch will always be used to denigrate women (i.e., Isiah Thomas’s preferred context) or emasculate men (i.e., my preferred context), and unfortunately, those two popular usages of the word Bitch will always overshadow the most harmful usage of the word. The bottom line is still context, Isiah’s preferred context is not the most harmful usage of the word, and my preferred context is not the most harmful usage of the word; America’s accepted context is by far the most harmful usage of the word. In America, assertive men in the workplace are considered an asset, and assertive women in the workplace are considered Bitches, and that’s the only context that truly matter$. America’s accepted context, that assertive women in the workplace are Bitches, creates real boundaries for women, and this context is not imagined. Until that context is corrected, life for all of us will always be a Bitch!

Always remember my Humper & Humperettes: “Life is too short to Hate.”

Music: Jean Luc Ponty ‘Cosmic Messenger’ & ‘A Taste for Passion’

Beverage: Orange Juice & La Croix Seltzer

          What a year it’s been. I don’t know where to begin because so much has happened (and NOT happened). I guess a good place to start would be with 30,000 Hits. www.whitemencanthump.com has surpassed 30,000 Hits in 12 months. That’s about 85 new Hits everyday for a solid year. For a first-time, non-celebrity author, that’s not too bad. Has that translated into 30,000 sales? Hell No! But I’ve always been about Message, not Money. Part of the reason the Hits have not translated into sales is my fault, because I offer a ton of info about White Men Can’t Hump on the web-site. I’ve posted extensive chapter excerpts, interactive games, terms and definitions, and blogs that contain entire paragraphs from the book. Even though I’ve offered a ton of info, all of this info only amounts to about 5% of a 500 page, 2 Volume book. This has obviously been enough info to turn people off (which is fine with me), or lead people to believe they’ve actually read the book. I’ve actually had friends tell me “Great book,” and then when I offer to sign it for them, they reply “I didn’t actually buy it; I just read the chapter excerpts on your web-site.” I’ve given close friends and family members copies of my book and they’ve ended up on Ebay. Initially I took all of this as a slap in the face, but anymore, I don’t even discuss this book with my friends. I decided to view this book as a business, and when it comes to business, the less friends you have, the better. Along the way I’ve had friends laugh in my face, and ridicule me behind my back. I’ve had family members ridicule me behind my back, and then cut ties with me. I’ve also received hate mail from co-workers, and I’ve waited patiently while my job secretly looked into firing me (When they realized they’d make me a millionaire, they thought otherwise, SHIT!). All of this good stuff came from people that I know, so just imagine what I’ve heard from people that I don’t know.    

            Obviously every obstacle and every shred of interest in this book has emanated from the title and the cover. I chose a provocative title because I wanted to create a discussion on Race. I wanted people to cry foul and then challenge me. I wanted people to be initially offended, initially humored or initially interested, and hoped that after they read it, they would be eternally informed. I truly thought that I would create a firestorm with this book title, and more importantly, with its contents. There has never been a book that covers the turf that this book covers, PERIOD. But what’s boggled my mind is the public silence. Trust me, there’s a lot of people in high places who know about this book or have a copy of this book, and they’re flat-out-scared of it. Initially I wondered “Maybe the book sucks?” or “Maybe no one gets it?” But that’s not the case, because the reviews for White Men Can’t Hump have been stellar. Even though it was initially released in the fall of 2006, it was immediately voted one of the 10 Best Black Non-Fiction books of the year. This has obviously created more questions for me than answers. But after a year of ups and downs and much reflection, I’ve found the answer for the silence (I’ll share it with you later). First, as David Byrne from the Talking Heads would say “How did I get here?” Here’s how………….

           Money may drive most Americans, but its Race and Sex that shapes our attitudes towards each other as a species. Race and Sex shape our attitudes towards each other even more than Religion does. Actually, Religion has often been used as a tool to attack certain aspects of Race and Sex within our society. After all, it’s scriptures from the Bible that justified the institution of Slavery, and its scriptures from the Bible that serve as the present foundation for Homophobia. Religion may shape what many believe, but Race and Sex is what we see on a daily basis. What you see with your own eyes plays a greater role in shaping what you believe than most people would like to admit. So let’s take a quick look at the role Sex plays in our society, shall we.

                Sex is used to sell everything from chewing gum to automobiles. Our society has made Paris Hilton a household name, and it was a Sex tape that put her on the map (certainly NOT talent). We rush to the Internet every time there’s a new picture of a panty-less Britney Spears (come on now, I know I’m not the only one). Hey, if that makes me a low-life, then what are these guys:

Reverend Ted Haggard- The millionaire televangelist and family values advocate, who was busted frequenting a gay male prostitute (but he threw the crystal meth away).

Congressman Mark Foley- The anti-Internet pedophile crusader who was busted hitting on teenage Congressional Pages.

Senator David Vitter- The family values advocate who was busted for hooking up with female prostitutes (and was applauded by his colleagues).

Senator Larry Craig- The family values advocate who was busted for trying to solicit sex from an undercover police officer in an airport men’s room (and was booted by his colleagues).

All of this was just in the last year, and you better believe the Republicans will still bring up Monica Lewinsky (which is code for oral sex in the White House) if Hillary Clinton gets the Democratic nomination.

You can’t watch a movie without seeing some T & A, you can’t watch a sitcom on regular network television without a ton of sexual innuendo, you can’t watch a sporting event without an erectile dysfunction commercial, you can’t watch a daytime soap opera without seeing some soft core porn, and the # 1 night time soap opera is a show entitled ‘Desperate Housewives,’ which is # 1 solely because of Sex (i.e., more soft core porn). Speaking of porn, here’s some mind-blowing statistics from an episode of Oprah Winfrey on “Porn Addiction” which aired in November of 2005:

• Pornography generates 57 BILLION DOLLAR$ annually worldwide.

• Pornography generates 10 BILLION DOLLAR$ annually in the U.S.

• 11,000 new movies are made annually.

• Those 11,000 new movie titles generate 20 BILLION DOLLAR$ annually.

• DVD rentals generate 800 Million DOLLAR$ annually.

• Porn is the # 1 business on the Internet.

• There are more than 4 Million Pornographic Websites.

• ¼ of all Internet search engine requests are porn related (68 Million per day).

• 70 % of all Internet porn traffic occurs during the 9 am to 5 pm workday.

         With that societal backdrop, I’ve actually been told by a number of media outlets “We’d like to have you on, but the title of your book is too racy.” Needless to say, after some head-scratching, I usually find myself laughing my ass off. Most of the major cable news shows have received copies of White Men Can’t Hump. Major shows on HBO and Comedy Central have requested and received copies of White Men Can’t Hump. Most of the nationally known radio figures have received numerous Press Releases and emails about White Men Can’t Hump, and other than Martha Zoeller, no one has stepped up to the plate (even the great Howard Stern is scared). White Men Can’t Hump has stood before them all, begging to be scrutinized and begging to be challenged. All it would take is one public thrashing, and then White Men Can’t Hump would be permanently relegated to dumpster-status (like most books). One good public thrashing and White Men Can’t Hump would no longer exist. Instead, White Men Can’t Hump continues to linger in limbo like an aborted fetus in the eyes of the Catholic Church (woops, I forgot, they changed their mind on that one). Actually, White Men Can’t Hump is like Tiger Woods with the lead on Sunday in a major; it’s still undefeated. In a society consumed with Sex, there are still no challengers, and no challengers equals victory in my eyes. 

          Let’s take a quick look at Race shall we. We don’t have to go back to the 1860’s (i.e., Slavery) or even the 1960’s (i.e., the Civil Rights Movement), let’s take a look at America P.O. (i.e., Post-O.J. Simpson trial). Who could forget the footage from coast to coast of Black Folks cheering and White Folks appalled? That footage exposed the Racial divide that many of us always knew existed, and none of us can no longer deny. The Racial divide is most often felt economically, but its most often played out on television. Race has become big entertainment in America since the O.J. trial. Black mug shots dominate the news, and Black activists lead protests and yell for justice, or expose any perceived injustice. Blacks and Whites can look at the same event, but see it completely different each other. Whether it be Hurricane Katrina, the Duke Rape Case, Barry Bonds, Michael Vick, or the Jena 6, Blacks see things one way and Whites see it another. The mainstream media knows this tune and plays it like a fiddle. Why do you think they trot out Reverends Jesse and Al? Because they know it pushes White Folks - “Stop whining and get over it”- Button. Nothing has ever illustrated this as clearly as the Don Imus affair. A 60 second comedic exchange that included terms such as: wannabees vs. jiggaboos, Memphis Grizzlies, and Toronto Raptors, was reduced to an eight-second sound-bite featuring one term: “nappy-headed ho’s.” This made Mr. Imus look like the victim because he merely uttered a term that Black Rappers use regularly, and the victimization of Don Imus was further enhanced by the constant face time given to Reverends Jesse and Al.

            So with that societal backdrop you’d think White Men Can’t Hump would be an easy target, an easy lightning rod, and would be ripe for attack. WROOONG!

             I’ve done over 50 radio interviews and except for two (WVON Chicago and WAOK Atlanta), all have been on White Conservative Talk Radio. Though I’ve been thankful and grateful for the opportunity, they’ve still refused to address my book. Usually after a brief explanation about the title, they immediately change the topic to my blogs on Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Barack Obama, Don Imus, or Michael Vick. As a matter of fact, I’ve done several shows where the host actually refused to say the title of the book on the air and actually warned me not to say the title. One particular host even had an advanced copy of the book, but still failed to challenge me on one single statement, quote, point, fact, or figure in the book. Come to think of it, after 30,000 Hits, there’s only been 5 negative comments posted on www.whitemencanthump.com, and of those 5, none were from anyone who’d actually read the book (or even the chapter excerpts). So those comments were based solely on speculation (i.e., they judged the book by its cover). I then politely signed on using an alias and politely spanked their asses and sent them to bed (never to be seen again). I do occasionally receive emails that accuse me of being a Racist. I always refer the sender to my blog “White Men Have a 3^rd Eye (In the Middle of their Forehead).” Needless to say, I never hear from them again.

             In case you’re wondering, my relationship with the Black Media has been even rockier, but with the Black Media, it’s a different kind of fear. You see, the Black Media is not too fond of books, especially books that don’t have pictures (that’s right, I said it). I don’t want to say the Black Media has subscribed to the hip hop attitude that “Reading, writing, and speaking in complete sentences is acting White,” but I will say the people who deliver that particular message to the masses, i.e., hip hop performers, are the only people who have access to the Black Media. If you’ve got corn rows, gold teeth, saggy pants, a tilted baseball cap, and a hip hop CD, the Black Media will kick your fucking door down. They publicly decry offensive hip hop lyrics, and then give hip hop performers unlimited access and continual publicity. Woops, sorry, I didn’t mean to be a snitch (i.e., the latest hip hop message to the masses: “Don’t Snitch!”).      

So the bottom line is, how can a book whose main title exudes Race and Sex, subtitle says Race and Sex, and contents focus on Race and Sex, be dismissed by a media that makes its living on Race and Sex?

Who knows?

Better yet, how can a book that discusses Slavery, Racism, Religion, Immigration, Hurricane Katrina, China, Hollywood, hip hop, Sexual Irresponsibility, Abortion, Hate, Indifference, Ignorance, Emmett Till, Lynching and Castration, Racial Profiling, Penis Size, Racial Stereotypes, Sexual Stereotypes, Pedophilia, O.J. Simpson, Uncle Toms, and Gay Republicans, not ruffle one feather, and not piss one person off?

Who knows?

All I know is that after 30,000 Hits, we’re still Undefeated.

P.S. Actually I do know. White Men Can’t Hump is that good ya’ll, it’s that good (I told you I’d share the answer with you later).

Always remember my Humpers and Humpettes: “Life is too short to Hate.”  

Music: Marvin Gaye “What’s Going On” & Seal “Human Beings”

Beverage: Decaffeinated Green Tea (I don’t need caffeine for this subject)

“War is Hell……..when will it end?” is a verse from Marvin Gaye’s classic song ‘What’s Happening Brother’ from the ‘What’s Going On’ album. What’s Going On is without a doubt the best anti-war album ever made, and even though it was released during the Vietnam era, it’s as relevant today as it was when it was released in 1971. So just sitting here and listening to it, I guess it got me in the mood. Don’t worry, this won’t be your typical anti-war rant. As someone who has had the opportunity to blow stuff up (at the behest of my government of course), I feel I’ve earned the right to question the legitimacy of a war, especially this one. You see, the beauty of our democracy is that people can question our government when our government makes poor decisions. Unfortunately, there’s also a few folks who feel they have the right to question the patriotism of those who question the war. I spoke out against the Iraq War from the beginning, because I felt that it was foolish from the beginning. I argued with friends and co-workers until we were all blue in the face (and I don’t turn blue). I even talked one friend out of re-enlisting. Other friends and co-workers tried to pull that patriotism bullshit on me, and then I reminded them that I’ve given this country Real Service, and they’ve never given this country anything but Lip Service. End of Argument.

How was I able to withstand the heat that veterans like John Kerry and Jack Murtha couldn’t handle? How did I avoid being Dixie Chicked? Unfortunately, I never got the chance to do battle on the national stage, but I’m sure I would’ve held my own against the best. Why am I so sure? I’m so sure because I had the opportunity to serve in the last American failure in the Middle East. That failure was in Beirut, Lebanon, and that’s why I’ve always been willing to take on all comers in the war debate. That failure had a profound affect on me, and I’ve drawn from those experiences nearly every day of my life since. That failure has given me the right, and the obligation, to question any and every time our troops are sent into harms way. Over time I’ve lost contact with most of the men that I served with, but my thoughts are always with those who lost their lives. Every year, on October 23^rd (the anniversary of the Beirut bombing), I take the time to reflect back to those chaotic days, and then I make a toast to those who died for a lost cause. I then pull out my scrapbook, and immerse myself in the anguish of war. I don’t have any fancy medals, but I do have a citation from the Commander of the Sixth Fleet that closes with the following:

“Corporal Wooten’s proficiency in communication procedures and naval gunfire in no small measure contributed to the outstanding performance of his team. Often located in isolated positions in a terrorist environment, he not only continued to perform his normal observation duties but also assumed the additional burden of providing and maintaining their own security. On many occasions coming under sustained small arms fire, rocket propelled grenade fire, and heavy artillery and rocket barrages, he steadfastly continued to discharge his duties in true Marine fashion. Corporal Wooten’s professionalism and loyal devotion to duty reflected great credit upon himself, the Marine Corps and the United States Naval Service.”

Once a year I read that citation and tell myself that I was a bad motherfucker back in the day. I was never a sitting duck at the airport, like most of the Marines. I was in a special operations unit in the middle of the city, and therefore in the middle of the civil war. After I finish stroking my ego, I then try to make sense of it all. The truth is, it still doesn’t make sense, and neither does this current mess in Iraq. Let’s get to the nuts and bolts of it, shall we.

NOTE: B.S. = Bullshit

PRE-WAR  B.S.

I never bought that B.S. about WMD. None of it made sense to me. Saddam was an isolated dictator, who undoubtedly wanted WMD, but how could we be so sure that he already had them. After 9/11, when the finger pointing started, the G.O.P. made it clear that Pres. Clinton was at fault because he cut the funding for human Intelligence. With a shortage of human Intel, how could we be so sure? Especially when you consider the fact that Iraq was a closed society. But what if he did have WMD? Dictators are all about staying in power, so if he had them he’d surely use them. So we were basically sending our troops on a suicide mission, and as a former troop, that B.S. didn’t sit too well with me. Also, depending on what chemical agents were used, one of the best ways to decontaminate your equipment is the use of water. Guess what folks? There ain’t no water in the middle of the desert. This rationale was enough to make the friend I spoke of earlier, re-consider his desire to re-enlist.

I never bought the B.S. about Saddam having ties to 9/11. After all, 15 of the 19 hijackers were Saudis; so I always felt we should’ve hit Saudi Arabia after we hit the Taliban. That’s obviously extremist/wishful thinking on my part, but lets be real. The Saudi people hated the U.S. before 9/11 and hated the U.S. before we invaded Iraq. The Saudi people blame the U.S. for the commercialization of their society, instead of placing the blame where it truly belongs, i.e., with the greedy, corrupt, Saudi royal family. The Saudi royal family thanks its people for misplacing their blame, by allowing them to freely disseminate anti-U.S. hatred via Madrassas (religious schools). It’s these Madrassas that spread endless anti-U.S. propaganda throughout the Middle East. Saudi Arabia has also doled out far more cash to the families of Palestinian suicide bombers than Saddam Hussein ever did. Therefore, Saudi Arabia is not a true U.S. ally, but instead, they’re merely an ally of the U.S. oil companies, and merely an ally of the Bush family (who could forget former Saudi ambassador to the U.S., Prince Bandar Bush). Unfortunately, the Bush Administration (with the help of a certain cable news channel), was able to convince 60% of the American people that Iraq was behind 9/11. The rest is history.

I never bought the B.S. about Saddam using chemical weapons against his own people, because he never considered the Kurds his people. Plus, when he gassed the Kurds in 1988 our government didn’t say shit (maybe because we’re the ones who gave him the chemical weapons). So why was that old news such a big deal now?

I never bought the B.S. about Saddam invading his neighbors. We didn’t say shit when he invaded Iran, and we even provided him with Intel (among other things). To be honest, I wasn’t thrilled with us kicking Saddam out of Kuwait, because I didn’t like the thought of Americans dying so a bunch billionaire Arab princes could reclaim their wealth and fortune. When Sec. of State Baker said this war was about JOBS, and more importantly, that other Arab nations in the region were going to fund the war, I questioned no more.

I can’t say the same for the current Iraq War, because there were too many unanswered questions.

EARLY WAR  B.S.

Just for your info, I don’t believe in the B.S. that once the shit hits the fan, you shut up and get on board. When everyone shuts up and gets on board, you lose the most critical component of leadership, ACCOUNTABILITY. When leaders are not held ACCOUNTABLE to the people, they become ARROGANT, and ARROGANCE often breeds INCOMPETENCE (i.e., the response to Hurricane Katrina). Check out this B.S.

You don’t let people loot, because that B.S. creates an environment of lawlessness.

You don’t challenge the enemy with B.S. statements such as “Bring’em on,” when you’re not the one getting shot at.

You don’t make B.S. comments such as “You go to war with the Army you’ve got.”

When you’re the richest nation on the planet, and men’s lives are at stake, you develop the Army that you need, in order to accomplish the mission. That’s what leadership is all about, and the fact that we’re still trying to provide adequate armor is a perfect example of why you should never just shut up and jump on board.

You don’t send the Marines into a city, tell them to clean house, and then pull them out before the job is finished. That’s B.S. It demoralizes the men, and it tells the enemy that our leaders are sensitive to casualties, civilian or otherwise. Marines don’t care about casualties, civilian or otherwise (anyone who valued their life should’ve gotten their ass out of there). Prematurely pulling out of Falujah was a major mistake, because it told the enemy that civilian casualties was the way to our Hearts & Minds.

You don’t put people in positions they’re not trained for. The shortage of people properly trained to run a detention facility, and the “wink-wink-nod-nod” silent authorization to torture, officially lost this war. The B.S. at Abu Ghraib guaranteed that we’ll never win enough Hearts & Minds to be trusted by the majority of the Iraqi people. The B.S. at Abu Ghraib gave Al Qaeda the best recruiting tool they could ever have asked for. It’s been downhill ever since.

TODAY’S  B.S. and FUTURE  B.S.

The Democracy  B.S.

            I laughed my ass off when I first heard that B.S. Then when I realized that our President was serious, I realized that we were in some deep B.S. How could we have leaders so clueless? We’re talking about a part of the world that requires its women to be covered from head-to-toe. They cringe at the thought of Britney Spears climbing out of a car with no panties on. They see our women half naked, and they say “If that’s Democracy, we don’t want it.” Remember folks, a true Democracy must be for all; America is still paying for its past sins because Blacks and Women were excluded from the initial Democracy equation. Would the American people accept its sons and daughters giving their lives for a men’s only Democracy? Not a chance.

The Free Elections  B.S.  

           I laughed my ass off when I first heard that B.S. The only organized institution in that part of the world is Islam. So there was absolutely NO CHANCE of ever producing anything other than a Theocracy (can you say Pres. Muqtada Al Sadr). I realize I’m just a dumb, uneducated country boy from a little town in Ohio, and I was only in the Middle East for a few months, but to me, it didn’t take a genius to realize that Iraq would never become Turkey.  

The Blame Game  B.S.

            It’s not the media’s fault. More reporters have died in this conflict than any other. Are their good stories in Iraq? Yes. Guess what happens if you do a good story about a school that just opened? Someone will blow the school up the next day, that’s what. Plus, if it wasn’t for the media, we’d have never known about the terrible conditions at Walter Reed Military Hospital.

It’s not the Democrats fault. The entire nation was misled (we’ll be greeted as liberators, the war will pay for itself because of Iraq’s vast oil reserves, a smoking gun in the form of a mushroom cloud); so blame those who misled us. The Democrats are currently being ridiculed by the Left, for not cutting the war funding. The Democrats DON’T have the votes to cut off the funding or get us out of there, period. The Democrats are currently being called cowards by the Right, because many on the Right want the Democrats to cut the funding, and therefore assume partial responsibility for the loss of the war. This is George Bush’s war, and the Democrats aren’t going to do anything that will give them ownership, and George Bush is not going to leave, because leaving guarantees losing, and losing guarantees him a legacy lower than B.S. The Right also relishes throwing around terms like cut-n-runners, defeatists, losers, and quitters, but what will they say when September rolls around and the situation is even worse on the ground. How many of them will suddenly join the Democrats and become cut-n-runners, defeatists, losers, and quitters, in order to save their political hides? What’s the difference between now and September? About 300 more body bags, that’ll be the only difference. By the way folks, Pres. Reagan cut-n-ran out of Beirut. I find it amazing that the Right always seems to forget that fact, and the so-called Liberal media never reminds them.

STOP WITH THE  B.S. TALKING POINTS

I can’t believe people actually buy this B.S.: “If we pull out, they’ll follow us here” or “If we don’t fight them over there, we’ll have to fight them here.” Let me see if I’ve got this right? We’ve pissed off over a BILLION MUSLIMS, but they’re so tied up in Iraq, they currently can’t spare 19 guys to pull off another 9/11. Folks, the next attackers are already here. They flew to Mexico and walked here. They’re extremely methodical and extremely patient (remember, the two attacks on the World Trade Center were 8 years apart). The biggest problem the terrorists have is there’s too many targets to choose from. Between the unprotected sea ports and the unprotected chemical plants, they’re probably overwhelmed with choices. So think about that B.S. the next someone says we’re much safer today, because we haven’t been attacked since 9/11.

If we pulled out of Iraq tomorrow, would it become a training ground for Al Qaeda? Yes, but it already is.

So what’s the solution?

THE SOLUTION TO THIS  B.S. 

Either you have a draft and put at least a million troops on the ground, or you get out, period. Don’t give me that B.S. about the volunteer Army is just fine, because by all accounts, every military expert says it’s broken. We’re currently accepting gang members, people with felonies, people with serious misdemeanors, and people with hideous tattoos on their neck. Recruiters are also showing people how to beat drug tests. We’ve raised the age limit and lowered academic requirements. We’re stopping people from getting out, extending tours of duty, and sending men and women back for their third and fourth tours.

Throughout all of this B.S., the people who supposedly support the troops have blamed everyone except the people responsible for this mess. Some so-called news shows have minimized their war coverage to nil. Some so-called pundits open their commentary with “I was against this war from the beginning” and then spend the majority of their program bashing everyone except those who got us into this mess.

The bottom line is this:

If Iraq is the central-front in the War on Terror, and if the repercussions for leaving are as horrific as we’ve been told, then either we have a draft, put at least million boots on the ground and take full ownership of the place (like Sec. Powell said), or we get out. It’s the current President’s job to tell the American people that this is a time for all of us to sacrifice, not the next President’s job. If the repercussions of failure are as devastating as we’ve been told, and failure is not an option, then why are we sending a mere 30,000 troops? I’ll tell you why. This President is content to drag this out and pass it on to the next President. And in the meantime, we’ll continue to lose an average of 100 men per month. Either we commit as a nation, or we get out as a nation. Anything other than that (i.e., this silly surge), is nothing than more B.S. 

So there you have it; this war is a bunch of B.S., and as someone who sat in the middle of the last major Middle East civil war, I feel obligated to say that. And if anyone has a problem with that, I suggest you visit Camp Lejeune, N.C. There’s a nice big marble wall there with nearly 300 names etched in stone, and I’m quite sure if they could speak, they’d say “This war is Bull Shit!” 

Always remember Humpers and Humpettes: “Life is too short to Hate.” 

Music: Earth, Wind & Fire- ‘Head to the Sky’ and “ALL ’N ALL”

Beverage: Hot cup of Jo (coffee)

           What the hell, or where the hell, is Memfrica you ask? Well you’re not the only one asking, because I was totally unaware of Memfrica’s existence until this past weekend. While visiting the city of Memphis, Ten., for the Memphis Black Writers Conference, I was formally introduced to the land known as Memfrica. My initial introduction to Memfrica was made by a White Female bartender at EP’s Delta Kitchen (Elvis Presley’s Bar / Restaurant). Stunned by the fact that I tipped her generously, and thanked her after each drink, she asked me where I was from. After a brief conversation, I asked her if it was my non-Southern accent that gave me away as a foreigner, and she stated: “I just knew you weren’t a Memfrican, that’s all.” I sat there completely stunned. I asked myself: “Did this motherfucker just call me an African or a Nigger or something?” My blood began to slowly boil, and I started to think of what course of action I should take:

A) Should I ask to speak to her supervisor

B) Should I just get up and leave

C) Should I ask her “What the fuck did you mean by that Ignorant-ass comment?”

             I then remembered that I was down South, and the Race rules are a little different down there. Down South you’ve still got a certain group of people that haven’t gotten over a certain war that ended a century-and-a-half ago.

NOTE: These are the same idiots who make up the 30 % of Americans who still support our current President, and still support his misguided war in Iraq. Why does this matter? It matters because they think the Sunnis and Shi-ites should just get over it, and stop fighting a Civil War that’s been  raging for 1,300 years, but they refuse to put away their Confederate Flags and stop fighting a war they lost 140 years ago.

Oh well, let’s get back to Memfrica, shall we.

              I decided to exhale, gather my thoughts, and choose course of action ‘C.’ “Excuse me ma’am, what did you mean by Memfrican?” She immediately realized that even though I was different from them (i.e., Memfricans), that I was still one of them. She then politely explained to me that this term was created by the Blacks in Memphis, and they used this term quite often. She felt that Blacks probably created this term to pay homage to Memphis’s large Black population (according to the 2000 Census, the Shelby County / Memphis area was 48.6 % Black and 47.3 % White). I still found this term unacceptable, because that wasn’t the context in which she used it. So I asked her: “If that’s the Black definition (a large Black population), then what’s the White definition for Memfrican?” Because your comment ‘I just knew you weren’t a Memfrican’ has nothing to do with a large Black population.” She realized this conversation was spiraling downhill, and as she struggled to explain herself, I gave her a copy of my book White Men Can’t Hump. I explained to her that it’s not a Sex book, it’s a Race book that uses Sex as means of explaining many of the Racial problems in America. She read a little bit of it, we talked about the Quentin Tarantino chapter for a few more minutes, and then I left. As I left, feeling quite good because I thought I had just educated someone, the earth began to move. The sidewalk was vibrating, and storefront windows were shaking before my eyes. I attempted to gather my thoughts even though I couldn’t hear myself think. All I could mentally muster was “What the hell is that horrendous NOISE!” I then seen a long line of raggedy-ass cars with music blasting so loud you could physically feel the NOISE traveling through your body. I then realized that I was being formally introduced to Memfricans, in their natural habitat no doubt. As the line of vehicles (8 to 10 cars deep) drove down Main St., and past famous Beale St., I observed a spectacle unlike any I’ve ever seen in my life. Each vehicle featured at least 4 occupants, and at least 2 occupants in each vehicle felt the need to physically hang out of each window and scream profanity-laced hip-hop lyrics at pedestrians on each side of the street. Now I’m obviously not above the use of profanity, but this spectacle was different. Just imagine 8 to 10 cars, traveling down Main St. in your town, with music so loud you can see storefront windows shaking, and people hanging out of each vehicle screaming “Fuck them bitches, Fuck them ho’s, Suck my dick, Lick my nuts, etc., etc. (you get the point).” Hats were cocked to the side, mouths were full of metal (that ridiculous Grill bullshit), and pants were hanging lower than usual, because like I said, these guys were physically hanging out of their vehicles. I was absolutely paralyzed and I stood there in shock. I felt like going back into EP’s and apologizing to that bartender, because I now understood exactly what she meant. As I looked around, I could tell who the locals were, and who the tourists were. The locals went about their business, and the tourists stood there like me, in amazement. It was like traveling on an African safari in one of those jeeps, and pointing to the giraffes and lions and rhinos in their natural habitat. The only difference was, the tourists were the ones on foot, and the wildlife was in the jeeps. People stood frozen in their tracks, scared to move for fear of startling them, just like in the movie “Guerillas in the Mist.” As I looked at the stunned White faces, who were undoubtedly thinking “Look at the Guerillas in our Midst,” I put my head down and eased my embarrassed-ass down the street. Thankfully they turned down a side street, but out-of-sight certainly didn’t equate to out-of-mind, because you could obviously still hear them. As I continued my stroll ‘Out of Memfrica,’ I thought of Russell Simmons’ recent call for a ban on the use of the ‘N-Word’, the ‘B-Word’, and the ‘H-Word’. All I could do is shake my head and laugh. Banning those words doesn’t mean shit, because it doesn’t address the two ‘I-Words’ (Image and Influence).

           Those of you who’ve read my book, know that I don’t care for this hip-hop stuff, and I consider it a fad that will eventually die. I don’t begrudge these Brothers for gettin’ paid, but I feel that a certain amount of responsibility should accompany those fat paychecks. I understand the need to sing about your environment, but have some balance, and sing about getting an education, and getting out of, or improving that environment. In that regard, hip-hop is not only a major cultural failure, but it has exacerbated many of Black America’s problems. Here’s two quotes from my book that address the two ‘I-Words’:

Image:

              “There’s a time and a place for this shit, and that doesn’t mean all of the time or any old place. Remember what we’re talking about here: surviving vs. struggling to survive. Charles Barkley summed it up like this: “If I’m conducting a job interview and a White Guy comes in wearing a suit and tie, and a Black Guy comes in wearing a throw-back jersey and corn rows, I’m going to hire the White Guy.” In America, a young Black Male is like a baby seal. If he’s in the wrong place at the wrong time, his exterior will get him clubbed. The big difference is, baby seals don’t club themselves. Young Black Men club themselves when they overlook the Power of an acceptable appearance, and the Power of an education.

             Brothers please create your own identity. The people who are telling you that hip-hop is a cultural phenomenon, are telling you this because they’re getting paid when you buy their products. I respect these Black entrepreneurs and performers, but I don’t respect the fact that these very intelligent Black Men tell the Black Youth of America their product is a cultural event.

These men know damn well the cultural emphasis needs to be placed on education, not entertainment!”

Influence:

             “Only history can determine hip-hop’s role in the current Black Male educational malaise. At the current pace, the hip-hop community will only be remembered for their failure to become a cultural positive. If the only impact you have is negative, then you have no cultural relevance. All you have is your moment in the sun (i.e., short-term relevance), and a wasted opportunity to do good (i.e., long-term IRRELEVANCE).

The hip-hop community could attain the cultural relevance they think they already have, if they would start telling these young Brothers that education and appearance are the difference between surviving vs. struggling to survive.

             You’re selling yourself like a product everyday you walk out of the house. People inspect each other the same way they inspect fruit at the grocery store, and no one buys bad looking fruit. Brothers what you got to understand, is that we’re usually considered bad looking fruit right off the bat, so you’ve got to prove otherwise.”

              I’ve tried to defend these Brother’s right to be capitalists, and I’ve pointed out that movies and video games have an equally damaging Influence, and present equally damaging Images, but Memfrica was an eye-opening experience for me. The majority of this shit is garbage, and it’s not fit for human consumption. What’s unfortunate is the fact that White music executives are going to continue to sell it, because White Youths are going to continue to buy it, but it’s Black Youths who are damaged by it. White Kids eventually grow out of this fad because they view it as entertainment (i.e., a Minstrel Show), but Black Kids are being told this shit has cultural relevance, and many of them don’t grow out of this. After all, the Memfricans I observed hanging out of these cars were grown men. Far too many Blacks think this crap is their only hope and their only way out of poverty, and they’re being sold this illusion by hip-hop itself. Hip-hop is selling hopelessness to the hopeless, and it’s being bought by the hopeless, because the hopeless in question are usually uneducated, and when you lack education, you’ll buy any-damn-thing.

       As I continued my walk down Memfrica’s Main St., I eventually got far enough away from the NOISE, that I could gather my thoughts and lift my head. As I lifted my head and looked around, I witnessed another stunning site. Just a 10 minute walk from my embarrassment sat the Lorraine Motel; the site where Dr. Martin Luther King was assassinated. It still stands perfectly preserved, and now serves as the National Civil Rights Museum. I stood in awe of this historical structure. Though it seemed small in stature, there’s no doubt it looms large in significance. Having seen those pictures of fingers pointing from that balcony, I shed a few tears. It was both humbling and surreal to stand below the balcony where his bloodied body laid, nearly 40 years ago. After a few deep breaths I gained my composure, and I thought to myself “What would Dr. King think of the Memfricans I’d just observed?” Would he be proud because Black Men could openly express themselves, like those young men, or would he be embarrassed by such a spectacle? You already know what I think; I think Dr. King would’ve been embarrassed, but I wonder what Russell Simmons, the hip-hop performers, and the Memfricans would say?

Always remember my Humpers & Humpettes: “Life is too short to Hate.”

For those of you who think Memfrica is an illusion, feel free to Memphis, Ten., or just visit:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Memfrica

DEF: Memfrica

Proper Noun: A combination of Memphis (Tennessee, USA) and Africa (the well-known continent). This pejorative term is a generalization and based upon the poorer (and often dangerous) African-American neighborhoods which form a subset of the city.

Steve-o: Hey, I heard you were going to Tunica to gamble this weekend. Are you gonna stay there?

Truant: Although the hotels in Tunica are run-down and expensive, it beats staying in Memfrica.

Music: The Isley Brothers ‘Go For Your Guns’

Beverage: Amstel Light 

      I first blogged about the Obama phenomenon in Dec. of 06, two months before he announced he’d run for president, because it was obvious where all of the fan fervor was heading. The fans and the media were all cheering “Run Barack! Run!”. Black Folks obviously get very suspicious when White Folks are cheering for someone Black who doesn’t have a ball in his hands. That may explain why Blacks were slow to jump on the Obama bandwagon. We wanted to learn a little bit more about him, because contrary to popular belief, we don’t vote for someone just because of the color of their skin. Just ask ‘wanna be Pennsylvania Governor Lynn Swann’ or ‘wanna be Ohio Governor Ken Blackwell’ or ‘wanna be Maryland Senator Michael Steele’. They received dismal support from Black voters, which is proof that Black voters chose to vote for someone who shared their ‘Interest’ vs. voting for someone who shared their skin color. Since being given the right to vote, Blacks have consistently shown their willingness to vote for White candidates. Can White voters say the same thing? Can White voters show a willingness to vote for Black candidates? Former L.A. Mayor Tom Bradley and former Virginia Governor Douglas Wilder, both had safe leads in the polls, but found out the cheering stops when White voters have to pull the lever on election day. Mayor Bradley lost his bid for the California Governorship by a slim margin and Doug Wilder won by a sliver. In both cases White voters were not honest about their intentions to vote for those two Black candidates, and the polls were wrong by double digits. Did both of those men receive White votes? Absolutely. That said, nothing came easy for Mayor Bradley and Gov. Wilder, and running for a statewide office is much easier and much different than running for President.

ENTER BARACK OBAMA.

Americans routinely state Barack Obama’s Race is a non-issue, but continually ask: ‘Is Barack Obama Black enough?’

Why isn’t anyone asking:

if Hillary Clinton is woman enough,

or if Bill Richardson is Mexican enough,

or if John Edwards is man enough?  (according to Ann Coulter he isn’t)

Now that you see the absurdity in such questions, I’m sure you understand why I decided to readdress the Obama phenomenon.

I stated in my book White Men Can’t Hump (As Good As Black Men) that America always says “Let’s discuss Race relations” after some horrific event (like Hurricane Katrina), but then buries its head in the sand when the event subsides. Americans don’t like to discuss Race when it makes them uncomfortable, but if the subject at hand doesn’t create discomfort, Americans will talk. Especially White Americans. I’m quite sure White America will have no problem discussing Race when the Duke Lacrosse rape case is closed or when the Black Man who murdered the New York college student, Imette St. Guillen, goes on trial. Race is a part of our everyday life, coast to coast, whether we like to discuss it or not. And when it’s Black & White it seems like the stakes are raised, the media coverage is intensified, and the passions are elevated. Race is easiest to discuss when you’re discussing the other Race. Race is easiest to discuss when it makes the other Race uncomfortable. When Blacks play the Race Card, Whites get uncomfortable, and don’t like to discuss Race. But Whites are more than willing to discuss Race when they have a stake in the race. Whites enjoyed discussing Tiger Wood’s Racial make-up, and Halle Berry’s Racial make-up, and now Barack Obama’s Racial make-up. Yet it took DNA testing to get Whites to discuss, and acknowledge, the Racial make-up of the Blacks who descended from our third President, Thomas ‘The Rapist’ Jefferson. Needless to say, it was a very quick discussion. Which brings us back to the initial question: “Is Barack Obama Black Enough?”

Is Barack Obama Black enough to get followed in stores?

YES!

Is Barack Obama Black enough to get passed by taxis?

YES!

Is Barack Obama Black enough to get Racial Profiled by the police?

YES!

Is Barack Obama Black enough to get called NIGGER?

YES!

Sounds like he’s Black enough to me.

He’s also Black enough for his Black American wife and his two Black daughters.

Is Barack Obama’s Blackness in question because his father was born in Africa, and not in America? That too is an absurd question. Obama’s father’s place of birth does not diminish his son’s Blackness one bit.

Ask Abner Louima, a Haitian immigrant, if his place of birth mattered when he was sodomized with a broomstick and called Nigger by a New York police officer?

Mr. Louima was obviously Black enough for the N.Y.P.D.

Ask Amadou Diallo, a Guinean immigrant, if his place of birth mattered when four police officers fired 41 bullets, striking him 19 times, and killing him?

Mr. Diallo was obviously Black enough for the N.Y.P.D., and I’m quite sure that Mr. Obama would be Black enough for the N.Y.P.D.

The place of birth for those two Black Men didn’t hinder them from experiencing what plenty of American-born Black Men have experienced the last 4 centuries.

Mr. Obama is obviously Black enough for Black America, and has been all along, so the question should be rephrased and then transferred back to the people who created the question to begin with. The question should never have been ‘Is Barack Obama Black enough’ because the people asking that question are not seeking that question’s true answer. Asking if ‘Barack Obama is Black enough’ is just a nice way of trying to get Black America to answer the true question that White Americans want answered.  

Is Barack Obama too Black for White America?

That’s the question my friends, so don’t pass this shit off to Black Folks when it’s White Folks who cheer and then have a change of heart in the privacy of their voting booth. For now, he’s obviously not too Black for White America, but let’s see what happens on the upcoming election nights. America truly needs Barack Obama to win the Democratic nomination so we can finally face our demons. An Obama run for the White House would rip the scab off of the wound called Racism, and the truth would finally be exposed. The bullshit excuses like “He doesn’t share my values” will not suffice this time around. What excuses will the Red States create if the once married Obama were to run against one of the ‘Wife Collectors’ (Guilliani, Gingrich, McCain, or Romney, a Mormon with only one wife on his resumé). I’m sure the next excuse will be ‘He lacks experience’. Look at the experienced men who gave us the Iraq War, and look at the experienced men and women who voted for that war, and continue to support that war. If Obama can withstand the values and experience questions, then we’ll surely see the Southern Strategy employed. If America responds like the voters in Tennessee after the Harold Ford ‘Playboy Ad’, then we’ll know that Barack Obama was plenty Black enough.

Music: Barry White- I’ve got so much to Give

Beverage: Green Tea 

          I didn’t say “Fuck tha Police;” America did. How else can you explain the conclusion of the recent study that confirmed the OBVIOUS. The OBVIOUS being that the vast, vast, majority of us have engaged in pre-marital Sex. An extensive study conducted by the Guttmacher Institute concluded that 9 out of 10 men and women had Sex before their wedding day. The study’s author, Lawrence Finer stated: “This is reality-check research. Pre-marital Sex is normal behavior for the vast majority of Americans, and has been for decades. These high rates even extend to women born in the 1940’s, thus challenging perceptions that people were more chaste in the past.”

           For some reason the Sex Police (i.e., Conservatives and the Religious Right) have been noticeably silent. Can you imagine their response if the study’s conclusion was “Pre-marital Sex causes Genital Warts.” That’s all we’d be hearing right now, and they’d be telling us that it’s God’s way of punishing all of those sex-having-sinners out there. The question now is “How long will the  Bush Administration continue to spend ‘Hundreds of Millions of Dollars’ on ‘abstinence-until-marriage-programs’, that tell people to wait-before-you-Fuck.” Now that the OBVIOUS has been confirmed (i.e., most people don’t-wait-to-Fuck and never have), how about some common sense instead of “Do as I say, not as I Did.” Then again, these people have always been short on common sense and long on “Do as I say, not as I Did.” Who could forget:  

Rush “The Pill-Popper” Limbaugh, and his statements that drug addicts should be in jail.

Bill “The Gambler” Bennett, and his numerous books on moral values.

Mark “The Young Boy Booty Chaser” Foley, and his crusade against pedophiles.

Ted “The I Didn’t Have Sex with that Gay Male Prostitute, I Just got a Massage, and then I threw the Crystal Meth away” Haggard, and his crusade against Gay Marriage.

And of course the current crop of Republican Presidential hopefuls (Gingrich, Giuliani, McCain, and Mitt ‘the Mormon’ Romney), who combine for near double-digit ex-wives, and who knows how many current wives.

Like I said, they’re long on “Do as I say, not as I Did.”

Here’s a sample from the chapter W.M.D. = Weapon of Mass Destruction = Misuse of the Black Penis, in White Men Can’t Hump VOLUME I.

            The bottom line is, Sex is a physical activity (when it’s done right),

just like a good workout. When Sex is accompanied by an emotional attachment

to your partner, it becomes Making Love. It’s simple math, just remember that

Sex + Emotion = Making Love, and Sex – Emotion = A Great Workout

(when it’s done right). It’s unrealistic to expect all Sexual encounters to

be accompanied by an emotional attachment. The natural primal urges

that initiate Sexual activity often preempt emotional attachment. Quite

often, the emotional attachment occurs after the Sexual encounter.

Emotional attachment or not, Sex should always be C.L.R.

           C.L.R. Sex is Consensual, Legal, and Responsible Sex. This is

what needs to be discussed with our youth and understood by all adults.

This abstinence bullshit is spoken by people who either can’t get some,

or forgot what it was like to be young and dying to get some. Just a little

reminder to you abstinence peddlers, there are hormonal changes that

adolescents go through that increase those urges. Some young people

are strong enough to control those urges, and some young people aren’t.

In a society that uses Sex to sell everything from cars to chewing gum,

preaching abstinence is preaching fantasy. Back here in the real world,

we have to accept the fact that people want to fuck, so therefore C.L.R. is

what needs to stressed.

NOTE: When I say abstinence peddlers I’m not referring to parents; I’m referring to America’s self-appointed Sex Police (the Religious Community and Conservative politicians). Some parents do indeed preach abstinence, but some parents choose to teach protection, and some parents just bury their heads in the sand. The bottom line is, it’s up to the parents and not the Sex Police. What I find most hilarious about the Sex Police is they spend more time preaching to everyone else than teaching their own

children. I think most men out here in the real world would agree that the wildest women you run into always seem to be the preacher’s daughter.

           Sex was made good for a reason, the reason being, we would always

want to partake in the activity that would ensure the continuance of our

species. If you have the willpower, and the discipline to wait until your

wedding day I commend you. If you don’t have the willpower, it’s not your

fault, so don’t ever feel ashamed, regardless of what the Sex Police say.

C.L.R. Sex (Consensual, Legal, Responsible) is much more realistic, and

also adaptable to any and all Sexual scenarios.

Always remember my Humpers and Humpettes: “Life is too short to Hate.”

P.S. Who knows, maybe they’ll Do something like spend some of the ‘Hundreds of Millions’ they waste on ‘abstinence-only-programs’ on armor for the troops, since they like to Say how much they support them.

Nahhh, no way.