Gil Scott Heron- Spirits

Beverage: Glenlivet (on the rocks)

I’m always receiving feedback and comments from people that I know and people that I don’t know, and it all revolves around the offensive (?) nature of the book title “White Men Can’t Hump (As Good As Black Men).” I was somewhat surprised by this feedback, because I personally do NOT judge a book (or a person) by its cover (i.e., 99% of the people who’ve criticized this book haven’t read it).

So I wondered to myself, if the book’s title was “White Men Have a 3rd Eye (In the Middle of their Forehead),” instead of “White Men Can’t Hump (As Good As Black Men)” would the title strike a nerve or offend anyone? Hell No!

Would anyone take that title seriously? Hell No!

I’m sure no one would be offended by the title “White Men Have a 3rd Eye (In the Middle of their Forehead)” because none of us have ever seen such an absurdity. I think it’s safe to say the title “White Men Have a 3rd Eye (In the Middle of their Forehead)” would NOT be taken seriously, or strike a nerve, or offend.

Ironically, the movie title “White Men Can’t Jump” (which I found offensive) also described a physical difference between White Men and Black Men, but for some reason this title did NOT strike a nerve or offend either.

So why does the title “White Men Can’t Hump (As Good As Black Men)” strike a nerve or offend people? After all, it’s White Men who’ve said “White Men Can’t Hump (As Good As Black Men),” and they’ve been saying it for centuries (though inadvertently). The centuries old comments about the Black Male Penis and the Black Male Sexual Prowess never seem to offend anyone when they’re stated as a negative, or stated for the sake of humor. When Black Male Sexuality is viewed thru the prism of pimps and rapists, or the buffoonery of Tim Meadow’s The Ladies Man or VH1’s Flavor of Love, no one seems to be offended. Those images or portrayals certainly never seem to offend White Folks.

The endless stream of Big Black Penis jokes that flow from Hollywood never seem to offend anyone. Movies like Blazing Saddles, Mel Brook’s History of the World Pt. I, Mandingo, Dogma, Good Fences, Remember the Titans, Wildcats, Soul Man, Liberty Heights, Full Metal Jacket, and The 40 Year Old Virgin were applauded for their comedic genius (NOTE: in my book I list over 60 reputable movies and TV shows that refer to the Black Penis over 80 times). When Jim Carrey was told that his three Black Babies had “Dicks bigger than them sausages!” in the movie Me, Myself & Irene, everyone thought it was hilarious and no one was offended. And folks, this is not a new phenomenon. The very first full length motion picture in the history of film, The Birth of a Nation, was solely dedicated to portraying Black Men as blood-thirsty rapists. This movie was also the very first to be shown at the White House, and was applauded by then Pres. Woodrow Wilson, who stated “It is like writing history with lightning. And my only regret is that it is all so terribly true” (and quietly a spike in lynching and castration occurred). Of the literally millions of possible subjects to use for the very first motion picture (politics, love, war, life, sports, etc., etc.), “Fear of the Black Penis” was chosen as Number 1, wow.

The bottom line is, when the Black Penis is the Punch Line to the joke, no one ever seems to be offended. When these ignorant comments are used to Sexually denigrate Black Men, and portray them as pimps and rapists, no one seems to be offended. Certainly not the people who are currently offended by the book title White Men Can’t Hump?

All I did was take the centuries old negative comments and put them in a positive light. All I did was say: “If these things you’ve said about us for four centuries are true, then maybe we’re better in the bedroom than you.” I just turned the centuries old negative comments into a positive. Those Big Black Penis jokes don’t seem to be as funny when you turn that shit around, do they. These centuries old negative comments pale in comparison to the centuries of heinous behavior. White Men validated this book’s title with things like:

Jim Crow Laws: which served solely to keep Black Men out of social settings with White Women (i.e., schools, pools, theatres and lunch counters).

Lynching and Castration: They couldn’t just shoot a Brother, or hang a Brother, or burn a Brother at the stake, they also had to remove his genitals (regardless of what the supposed offense was).

The Tuskegee Experiment: U.S. Government doctors watched Black Men rot from-the-inside-out with syphilis, and also knowingly allowed them to spread this disease to Black Women, who in turn, passed the disease on to their fetus if they became pregnant.

The criminalization of marijuana: America ’s first Drug Czar, Harry Anslinger, stated before Congress that marijuana caused White Women to listen to jazz music and fornicate with Negroes.

Anti-Miscegenation Laws: These were laws were created specifically for Black Men, were introduced in nearly every state, and passed in over 30 states. None of these laws ever applied to White Men, and never stopped White Men from creating Mulatto babies with Black Women (i.e., Strom Thurmond’s political career should’ve ended before it ever began). And ironically, it took the U.S. Supreme Court to rule these laws unconstitutional in 1967 (well within my lifetime) in the case of Loving v. Virginia , when Richard Loving, a White Man, married a Black Woman.

If all of the above sounds trivial or inconsequential, then ponder this fact. The Civil Rights Movement of the 1960’s, which is credited for knocking down the walls of Jim Crow, and therefore making America what it was supposed to be at its inception, was sparked by “Fear of the Black Penis.” Most historians are now in agreement that the lynching of 14 year old Emmett Till (for allegedly whistling at a White Woman) is the actual spark that ignited the Civil Rights Movement. Historians had no choice but to reach that conclusion when Rosa Parks later stated “I thought of Emmett Till and I couldn’t go back.” That under-reported statement/fact resulted in the Montgomery bus boycott exactly 100 days after Till’s murder, and the rest of course is history.

NOTE: Believe it or not, I list even more examples in my book.

So whether it be the behavior and laws of the past, or the behavior and jokes of the present, White Men have intensely Feared the Black Penis, or Feared their women would be attracted to the Black Penis, and therefore validate this book’s title. There may not be any proof of the 3rd Eye proposition, but unfortunately there’s a ton of truth in their heinous behavior. The fact that Black Men were Castrated and racist legislation was created speaks for itself, and when this behavior is coupled with White created comments such as “Once you go Black you don’t go Back,” it more than validates my book’s title, period.

After all, why else was this heinous behavior so necessary and so prevalent?

So I repeat, White Men Can’t Hump (As Good As Black Men) was not created by me; it was created by centuries of attitudes, comments, and behavior. So to those of you who are offended by the title “White Men Can’t Hump (As Good As Black Men)”, now you know how I feel every time I’m followed in a Department Store (i.e., like I’m going to steal something).

When Black Folks complain about Racist behavior, everyone says “Stop whining” or “You’re being overly-sensitive” or “Race has nothing to do with it” or “Get over it.” So that’s what I do. So to those of you offended by the title “White Men Can’t Hump (As Good As Black Men),” save the Hate Mail, “Stop whining” and “Get over it.”

And if it makes you feel better, I personally love fried chicken and watermelon (which is another ridiculous stereotype, because most White Folks also love fried chicken and watermelon).

As you can see there’s a lot of negative comments that I didn’t create, and I’m not offended by most of them either. Most of the negative comments/stereotypes only serve to divide us, because deep inside, we all want the same things in life. We all want peace, prosperity, good schools for our children and safe neighborhoods for our families. This is proof that we all have more in common than NOT. What 9/11 showed us is that we’re all Americans, but why does it take a tragedy to unite us? Why does it take a tragedy to over come the silliness that usually divides us? Folks, if I had the answer to that one I’d be a millionaire. I’ll tell you this much, these walls can only be knocked down by individuals, and they’ll only stay knocked down if we refuse to pass Hate and Intolerance on to our children; because our children are our truest legacy.

The beauty of our democracy is that everyone has the right to offend and to be offended, and no one should be exempt, within reason (regardless of your skin color). So I want all of you to know that I plan on overcoming those centuries old comments by making “White Men Can’t Hump (As Good As Black Men)” a household name. Because if/when “White Men Can’t Hump (As Good As Black Men)” becomes a household name, I’d be willing to bet you won’t hear anymore jokes like “Them kid’s Dicks are bigger than them sausages!”

Before I close, I want to reiterate that I’m not passing judgment on an entire race of people (that would be unfair, ridiculous, and bigoted, wouldn’t it). I’m just pointing out factual history, and showing how that history affects the way Blacks and Whites see each other and treat each other. I’ve yet to hear anyone refute these facts, which means that “Fear of the Black Penis” is often at the root of Racism against Black Men.

The bottom line is that when you demean someone Sexually, you therefore demean them as human beings (just ask the Gay Community). The examples I stated earlier took place well before the current Black self-denigration in hip-hop music, and trust me, my book points out every problem in the Black community: drugs, guns, unemployment, dead-beat fathers, unwed mothers, sexual irresponsibility, crime, and of course, incarceration. It all ties-in together because we’re all in this together.

What my book does is chronicle all of our faults, Black and White (I also get a ton of Hate mail from Black Folks). My book puts Race on the table and keeps it there, by combining it with America’s favorite subject, Sex.

I often think of the many great Black Men who spoke their minds in the face of Hatred and opposition and never wavered one step. Great men like Frederick Douglas, Jack Johnson, Paul Robeson, W. E. B. Dubois, Medgar Evers, Dr. King, Fred Hampton, Malcolm X, Jim Brown, and Muhammad Ali never shut up for anyone. I will never be in the class of any of those great men, but the trail they blazed doesn’t require me to be in their class, it only requires me to be whatever I want to be. I don’t know what I want to be, but I can tell you what I won’t be, and that’s SILENT.

So please “Stop whining” and “Get over it,” and always remember my Humpers and Humpettes: “Life is too short to Hate.”