Music: Barry White- I’ve got so much to Give

Beverage: Green Tea 

          I didn’t say “Fuck tha Police;” America did. How else can you explain the conclusion of the recent study that confirmed the OBVIOUS. The OBVIOUS being that the vast, vast, majority of us have engaged in pre-marital Sex. An extensive study conducted by the Guttmacher Institute concluded that 9 out of 10 men and women had Sex before their wedding day. The study’s author, Lawrence Finer stated: “This is reality-check research. Pre-marital Sex is normal behavior for the vast majority of Americans, and has been for decades. These high rates even extend to women born in the 1940’s, thus challenging perceptions that people were more chaste in the past.”

           For some reason the Sex Police (i.e., Conservatives and the Religious Right) have been noticeably silent. Can you imagine their response if the study’s conclusion was “Pre-marital Sex causes Genital Warts.” That’s all we’d be hearing right now, and they’d be telling us that it’s God’s way of punishing all of those sex-having-sinners out there. The question now is “How long will the  Bush Administration continue to spend ‘Hundreds of Millions of Dollars’ on ‘abstinence-until-marriage-programs’, that tell people to wait-before-you-Fuck.” Now that the OBVIOUS has been confirmed (i.e., most people don’t-wait-to-Fuck and never have), how about some common sense instead of “Do as I say, not as I Did.” Then again, these people have always been short on common sense and long on “Do as I say, not as I Did.” Who could forget:  

Rush “The Pill-Popper” Limbaugh, and his statements that drug addicts should be in jail.

Bill “The Gambler” Bennett, and his numerous books on moral values.

Mark “The Young Boy Booty Chaser” Foley, and his crusade against pedophiles.

Ted “The I Didn’t Have Sex with that Gay Male Prostitute, I Just got a Massage, and then I threw the Crystal Meth away” Haggard, and his crusade against Gay Marriage.

And of course the current crop of Republican Presidential hopefuls (Gingrich, Giuliani, McCain, and Mitt ‘the Mormon’ Romney), who combine for near double-digit ex-wives, and who knows how many current wives.

Like I said, they’re long on “Do as I say, not as I Did.”

Here’s a sample from the chapter W.M.D. = Weapon of Mass Destruction = Misuse of the Black Penis, in White Men Can’t Hump VOLUME I.

            The bottom line is, Sex is a physical activity (when it’s done right),

just like a good workout. When Sex is accompanied by an emotional attachment

to your partner, it becomes Making Love. It’s simple math, just remember that

Sex + Emotion = Making Love, and Sex – Emotion = A Great Workout

(when it’s done right). It’s unrealistic to expect all Sexual encounters to

be accompanied by an emotional attachment. The natural primal urges

that initiate Sexual activity often preempt emotional attachment. Quite

often, the emotional attachment occurs after the Sexual encounter.

Emotional attachment or not, Sex should always be C.L.R.

           C.L.R. Sex is Consensual, Legal, and Responsible Sex. This is

what needs to be discussed with our youth and understood by all adults.

This abstinence bullshit is spoken by people who either can’t get some,

or forgot what it was like to be young and dying to get some. Just a little

reminder to you abstinence peddlers, there are hormonal changes that

adolescents go through that increase those urges. Some young people

are strong enough to control those urges, and some young people aren’t.

In a society that uses Sex to sell everything from cars to chewing gum,

preaching abstinence is preaching fantasy. Back here in the real world,

we have to accept the fact that people want to fuck, so therefore C.L.R. is

what needs to stressed.

NOTE: When I say abstinence peddlers I’m not referring to parents; I’m referring to America’s self-appointed Sex Police (the Religious Community and Conservative politicians). Some parents do indeed preach abstinence, but some parents choose to teach protection, and some parents just bury their heads in the sand. The bottom line is, it’s up to the parents and not the Sex Police. What I find most hilarious about the Sex Police is they spend more time preaching to everyone else than teaching their own

children. I think most men out here in the real world would agree that the wildest women you run into always seem to be the preacher’s daughter.

           Sex was made good for a reason, the reason being, we would always

want to partake in the activity that would ensure the continuance of our

species. If you have the willpower, and the discipline to wait until your

wedding day I commend you. If you don’t have the willpower, it’s not your

fault, so don’t ever feel ashamed, regardless of what the Sex Police say.

C.L.R. Sex (Consensual, Legal, Responsible) is much more realistic, and

also adaptable to any and all Sexual scenarios.

Always remember my Humpers and Humpettes: “Life is too short to Hate.”

P.S. Who knows, maybe they’ll Do something like spend some of the ‘Hundreds of Millions’ they waste on ‘abstinence-only-programs’ on armor for the troops, since they like to Say how much they support them.

Nahhh, no way.